I believe that there are many selves which we present to the world. Each specific to the unique situations we’re presented with. Each has its own context, its own justification for existing, and a specific audience to which it is presented to. In a single day I might cycle through a variety of them, whether that be Max the friend, Max the artist, or Max the coworker. Each Max speaks a slightly different dialect. Each one feels uniquely tailored to their audience. Underneath all of this, there is a tension: if I could somehow get each of these personalities in a room together, would they recognize each other?
To say something is curated or tailored might imply that it’s a subset of a greater sum of what’s available. This might also imply that the construction of each personality takes a reductive approach. If who we are deep down inside could be represented as a block of marble, each personality might be a unique work carved from that marble. The underlying material might be the same, but the resulting sculptures might look wildly different.
Is having all these different versions of ourselves a form of internal fragmentation or social fluency? As we carve each version to present to the world, we draw from the inner self to supply the materials needed for the outer selves. But what about the quality of the material underneath? What about the quality of the work we produce from that material?
I think the most interesting question to explore about this model is if these selves are anchored to anything substantial or not.
Could I place each self in a gallery to form a cohesive exhibition? Would someone walking through the gallery be able to piece together a common thread? Would they recognize an artist with a clear sense of identity?
Or would it feel like a group show? A collection of different sculptors, each with their own style and motivation.
Maybe that’s the real challenge. Learning how to construct each self with intention and taste. To develop a personal style that shows through no matter the subject. The same way a great artist can paint in different mediums and still be unmistakably themselves, maybe we can play different roles in the theater of life while staying grounded in our essence.
What informs this sort of stylistic maturity? Is it just the natural result of living and carving enough sculptures over time that a personal style emerges? Or does it take a more deliberate effort? To not only be aware that these selves exist, but to care that there is cohesion between them?
Some people seem to be born with a kind of raw coherence. Their voice shows through from the start, no matter what medium or context they’re in. For others, it takes more excavation. More false starts, more discarded pieces, more silence and study. Through practice, experimentation, and self-reflection, we can identify what in life resonates with us and make our selves better represent our unique voice and perspective.
I’ve discarded many versions of myself I eventually found unfit to represent me, many times over. I’ve carved out pieces that felt more like masks than accurate representations. In many ways, I’ve inevitably distanced myself from what my essence is and have had to reconnect with it over and over.
Knowing oneself is the journey of a lifetime. It is within that process of self discovery that I think there lies true value and meaning. It isn’t about making sure all the selves match exactly, or perfecting any individual self, but making sure they all belong in the same room.
I want to be proud of who I am in every context. I want each self to feel like a proper representation of my essence. In doing so, I want to strengthen my connection with that essence, and improve my proficiency in sculpting selves. Each self should have the integrity and composition to age gracefully, like great art.
So that when someone walks through that gallery, or more explicitly, when I do, I see continuity and taste. A body of work that, through all its shifts and experiments, was always trying to tell the truth.